Do what you need to do

Pattern Number 90 - Nicholas Lokasasmitas

Are there times in life when it’s good for us to swallow our feelings and get on with things? Is detachment ever a positive?

If you subscribe to The B-List newsletter, then you know I’ve written before about ways that a indifference can be helpful and healthy, especially in performance. Being impartial at the right moments can be a tremendous asset, allowing us to place a healthy separation between our work, outcomes, and who we are. This type of impartiality allows us to process what happens in the moment and adjust course without getting stuck in our feelings or what just happened.

Those who practice mindfulness or meditation have a front row seat to just how difficult it can be to develop this kind of healthy detachment. There is always another thought or emotion at the ready, waiting to drag us out of the present. Sometimes these elements of our inner world are so strong they can stop us from making progress in the first place. We might become overwhelmed with emotion, pack up our instrument out of frustration, or fail to get started on something important before we even begin.

Recently I had a gig that seemed easy at the outset. I was playing piccolo on just one piece on a program, an overture that lasted a painless seven minutes. Minimal rehearsal time was required, and at first glance the pieces was uncomplicated (although technically demanding). In hindsight, it might have been to my benefit to start preparing this specific piece sooner, but I was coming off a successful week of playing piccolo on a full program and feeling good about my chops and quick preparation skills.

As I started practicing in earnest, a familiar feeling of dread set in. The piece was hard - fast and high with entrances that came out of nowhere and overtook the orchestra. I would be playing with limited warm up time and very little opportunity to get used to the conductor and group.

I started to worry that I wouldn’t get things up to tempo in time. As I allowed that worry to permeate my practice, I started to be concerned that my high register was too aggressive and might not have enough control in the moment. Suddenly all my practice time was spent trying to tackle these two imagined problems: play faster, play up high as much as possible.

I became fully invested in these problems emotionally, even if they were partially imagined. Of course they were partially true, which is what started the spiral of emotional investment in the first place.

At the end of a particularly long practice session (and a day full of cramming in as much playing in the high register as possible) I realized that I had spent the entire day doing the opposite of what I knew worked in practice. I was doing the equivalent of emotional eating by panic practicing the hardest possible things. I had disregarded what I know works as well as the trust I’ve built in my ability to practice and prepare.

Self-knowing is one of our greatest strengths, and the first thing to go when we become overly attached to anything.

Although I had already practiced a LOT that day and was facing an early morning the next, I needed to re-establish my relationship with indifference to release the event at hand and focus on the skills I already had.

When I got home around six I secluded myself for an hour of “right effort” practice. Ear plugs in, I went straight to the tools that I know establish my intonation, embouchure, and ease on the piccolo. I did allow myself to play the rep for the gig, but only at a very slow tempo, and only at the very end of the hour.

Having tackled my indifference to the physical, I knew I would need to deal with my mind for the duration of the weekend. This meant getting plenty of rest and limiting caffeine (over stimulation is the enemy of an already over-active mind). For the hour and a half drive to and from rehearsal, I listened to a few favorite podcasts and some completely unrelated music that I could crank up and sing along to. Ruminating wouldn’t gain me anything that reliable practice hadn’t and sometimes distraction is the perfect tool.

Rehearsal is, perhaps surprisingly, the easiest place to avoid attachment. In the moment, we’re left with no option other than to just do the thing. I simply had to muster my energy and momentum and go for it.

And you know what? It turned out fine. In fact, I left the concert feeling like I had really nailed it (a rarity for any performance, let alone one that presented this much emotional and technical challenge). I don’t think it had anything to do with my playing, either. Although logically we know the ultimate goal is to have the technical skill and facility to produce the desired result, what gave this particular challenging situation its successful outcome was my ability to navigate, regulate, and coexist with my mind state and emotions.

Here are the key points if you want to keep your brain in check when you’re working on something really difficult:

*NOTICE

Notice what you’re focusing on - is it emotional or practical? Not all emotions are bad, but we’re looking for balance. If you’re giving all your attention to an emotion or difficulty you’re likely to keep feeding that particular sense.

*REBALANCE

Try to redirect your attention. Where would it serve you better? If you’re feeling frustrated with your high register, could you take a few minutes for an exercise that you know helps you feel centered in your high notes? This is also a great time to write down what is demanding your attention. Once you have it listed somewhere, release it (you can always come back to the list, although you probably won’t want to!).

*PLAN

Decided what will help and make a plan of attack. Need to keep your mind in the right place? Plan what you will listen to, do for relaxation, and where you’ll redirect your attention if you notice it’s landing in a non-optimal place. Make a plan of attack for the task, like practicing fundamentals for one hour and then stopping for the rest of the day or listening to the piece you are preparing. Don’t allow yourself to go rogue on the plan - evaluate its efficacy at the end of the day and prepare a game plan for tomorrow.

*DO THE THING!

Nike had it right with their “just do it”slogan - at some point we’ve got to let it all go and simple do. Release the thoughts and emotions and get invested in the moment. You’ll never know your true potential if you’re not fully present for the task at hand.